The Worst Teeth in London

[Aldebaran]

This is a song I wrote after seeing 'Sweeney Todd". Sing it to the melody of "Worst Pies in London" if you've heard it. It's sung by the Fouth Doctor to Romana.
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THE DOCTOR: WAIT What's your rush, What's your hurry?
You're looking pretty pale like you maybe saw a ghost,
Aw, for a minute can't you sit, sit you down, SIT!
All I meant is that I haven't seen a time lady for weeks,
Did you come in for a trip, ma'am?
Do forgive me if that is a little vague,

ROMANA: (looks at his teeth) What was that?!

Bet you thought I had the plauge,
From the the way my gums,
Keep receding,

(ROMANA gets up to leave but DOCTOR pulls her back down on couch) No you don't.

Heaven knows I try, ma'am,
But my breath's too much for people to inhale,
Right you are, ma'am, would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you I can hardly blame you,
These are probably the worst teeth in London,
I know why nobody cares to show them,
I should know,
I own them,
But good? No!
The worst teeth in London,
Even that's polite!
The worst teeth in London,
If you doubt it, take a sight.

(DOCTOR grins, ROMANA looks at his teeth and passes out)

Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it!
I think that they're crusting.

ROMANA: (Hands Doctor Listerine) Here, drink this, you'll need it!

BOTH: The worst teeth in London...

DOCTOR: And no wonder with the price of floss
What it is
When you get it
Never
Thought I'd live to see the day
For you'd think it was a treat,
For the poor
Dentists who
Are out there dying in the street.
Sarah Jane, she knew a dentist,
Does a business but I notice something weird.
Since I signed up all the docs have disappeared!
Can't imagine,
Wot I calls,
Way to survive,
Avoiding MY gingivitis,
Hey, I wouldn't clean my own teeth!
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick!
And I'm tellin' you, them plaque and stains is quick!
No denying hygiene's hard, sir
Even harder than the worst teeth in London!
Only plaque and nothing more --
Is that just revolting,
All greasy and gritty?
It looks like it's molding,
And smells like,
Well, pity
A time lord alone,
With limited time,
And the worst teeth in London!
Ah, miss, times is hard,
Times is hard!

[Kit]

Tom's teeth are actually pretty darn good for being British.

[jjpor]

The British reputation for bad teeth continues to puzzle me, to be honest. I mean, sure, we don't all have teeth like Captain Jack, but then few people do...

[Kit]

I read a Yahoo! Answers thing a while back and people got really worked up over the whole 'Bad British Teeth' thing. Everything from 'I wouldn't date someone with horrible teeth' to 'Americans care about outward appearances too much'.

Being American, my parents spent loads of money to fix my horrible teeth when I was younger. I'm glad they did, though, 'cos I would have looked like a shark, and that's just rather scary. Of course, I don't wear my retainer at night like I'm supposed to (Shh!), so my lower teeth are going a bit crooked, but nothing horrible.

Er. Yes. The story of my teeth.

[clocketpatch]

None of the assorted Brits I know have bad teeth

That said

Great song XD

[Aldebaran]

I know. I know. I knew you all were going to say this before I even read it. I just thought you'd find the song charming is all.

[Aldebaran]

It's too bad the stereotypes exist, though. But i wasn't even basing the song on the stereotype itself. Just most episodes of Baker-era who I've seen, I always cringe when he grins because his teeth look so nasty.(Despite his awesome grin itself.) I don't doubt that he's had them fixed, though.

Then again, maybe it's just me. Aw well... *folds song sheet into paper airplane and tosses it out the window causing major traffic accident in streets below.*

Bugger...

[jjpor]

I think the song's great, by the way - I thought it was very funny and well-written, and you're very right - Four does have, er...remarkable gnashers, doesn't he?

The Bad British Tooth Thing, though, sort of amuses me as well as making me scratch my head, because I think it's a stereotype that most people over here remain blissfully unaware of - until they find out about it, and are roused to a state of patriotic fury! LOL

[Aldebaran]

Thanks. Glad you think so.

Patriotic fury, you say? Well, then.

[jjpor]

Or it could be furious patriotism, it's hard to tell sometimes

[Aldebaran]

All over teeth? I've gotten rallied up over some pretty trifle things in my time, but never teeth. I should try that sometime.