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Post by Abbyromana on Sept 29, 2009 18:50:56 GMT
Dear Abby, I regret to inform you that as I was still inside said complex, with my white coat on (with pens in the pocket), unfeasibly short skirt and high-heeled boots trying to decide if this was the life for me, as I marched about being scarily efficient and looking over my glasses at people while delivering devastating put-downs, I noticed some strange activity in the area, particularly some sort of seismic attack. As I have a bevy of misguided and confused (but very very clever) scientists under my command, I naturally asked them to look into this inexplicable activity and, naturally, they came up with a handy solution in a matter of minutes and I was instantly assured that a missile had been launched at what was identified at the origin of the source. I immediately harangued them for using weaponry without permission, but it was too late. Only now do I discover that it was the work of your evil genius and that I have temporarily foiled one of your plots. And possibly killed you, but let's hope for the best. I feel, currently being an unscrupulous cliche that it is my duty to blackmail you in order to prevent such things happening again. You may also feel free to deposit large amounts of cash in my bank account. Otherwise I shall inform JJPOR and he, in his deranged state, will attempt to destroy the universe. Once I have sufficient funds, I shall abandon this life of crime, through in my lot with the resistance, wear boiler suits and sensible shoes and die after being annoyingly heroic, but this is probably not the place to discuss my future plans. Lost Spook PS You may detect a flaw in my reasoning here - I assure you it is no such thing. You may have noted, despite having creditably evil intentions, JJPOR has so far achieved none of his goals, so destruction of the entire universe is unlikely. However, with a little direction, one could ensure that the small patch of it occupied by rival evil megalomanics was erased completely. I'm sure we understand each other. P.P. S. Plus, I'm not keen on people who mess around with the weather - I was about to go for a walk in the sunshine when suddenly there was an earthquake, a volcano eruption and following tidal wave, which, may I inform you, was inconvenient to say the least. *secretary walks in to private hidden office as reading email* Barbara, did the pile of junk that we set the false energy source when we start earthquakes get blown up? "Yes, Salamander, and the reliation nuclear missles have already been sent to destroy the source of the attack" Hmmm.... that's good. We promise the US that we'd get rid of that from them. They'll be happy enought probably to pay me double. "At least that, Salamader." Good for me. I think I'll email lostspook and thank for her help, and to say how sorry I am.... Oh, and Barbara, please tell one of my double agent in JJ's secret facilities to put a special poison in lostspooks drinks and food from now on. "Yes, Salamander." And give my best to your daughter on her football team's game tomorrow. "Yes, Salamander." *emails lostspook a thank you card from floating email account, and is sure to send a copy to JJ, so he knows who is responisble for making me a bit richer and for causing a nuclear strike on his base of operations* Nice try though former comrade.
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Post by jjpor on Sept 29, 2009 21:46:43 GMT
ARE YOU EXPLOITING MY UNIQUE GENETIC HERITAGE? Oh, goodness me, no! Merely channelling your innate Norse berserker rage into a mutually beneficial direction. Now KILL!!! *sends out secret emails to all of JJ's members with plenty of stock options and benefits* Oh, now you're fighting dirty... You may have noted, despite having creditably evil intentions, JJPOR has so far achieved none of his goals, so destruction of the entire universe is unlikely. A harsh, if accurate, assessment. However, I wouldn't bank on that second part. Not when the X Device is completed. And to think those fools in Geneva imagine they're only building an innocent Large Hadron Collider, whatever one of those is... And Abby, dear naive Abby, I'd be a bit careful about chucking all of those nuclear missiles around if I were you. Especially when you're chucking them at someone who has a constellation of killer laser satellites orbiting the earth as we speak. As you can see, I have invested the proceeds from the Mona Lisa caper very wisely indeed. That fireworks display you're watching now is actually your missiles being shot down; of course, the satellites observed their flightpaths and have by now calculated their place of origin; shortly, you will be enjoying the fireworks far more...intimately... MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAHHHHH!!!! *emails lostspook a thank you card from floating email account, and is sure to send a copy to JJ, so he knows who is responisble for making me a bit richer and for causing a nuclear strike on his base of operations* Nice try though former comrade. Hmmm...interesting... *presses intercom button* Please can you tell lostspook that I'd like to have a word with her in the special conference room? Yes, that's right, the one on the other side of the bridge. Yes. Oh, and tell Clocket the piranhas won't need feeding today after all. Thank you! *leans back in swivelly leather chair of power, strokes cat, and broods...*
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Post by Abbyromana on Sept 29, 2009 23:18:38 GMT
And Abby, dear naive Abby, I'd be a bit careful about chucking all of those nuclear missiles around if I were you. Especially when you're chucking them at someone who has a constellation of killer laser satellites orbiting the earth as we speak. As you can see, I have invested the proceeds from the Mona Lisa caper very wisely indeed. That fireworks display you're watching now is actually your missiles being shot down; of course, the satellites observed their flightpaths and have by now calculated their place of origin; shortly, you will be enjoying the fireworks far more...intimately... MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAHHHHH!!!! Oh, nice pretty satellites, JJ *is impressed* But wait until I strike back with... with... *strange groaning noise echoes around her and suddenly a strange blue box appears* Oh, that can't be good.
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Post by Stripes on Sept 30, 2009 2:06:27 GMT
Now this is my kind of RPG.
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Post by clocketpatch on Sept 30, 2009 3:36:55 GMT
Oh, and tell Clocket the piranhas won't need feeding today after all. Thank you! *gingerly removed hand from tank* *looks at hand* JJ, does your henchman/woman employment insurance plan include bionic limbs? er...
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Post by Maggadin on Sept 30, 2009 17:15:23 GMT
Oh, goodness me, no! Merely channelling your innate Norse berserker rage into a mutually beneficial direction. Now KILL!!! Not since I found the fobwatch, you're not. Now I now why my hair refuses to straighten.
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Post by Abbyromana on Sept 30, 2009 17:19:16 GMT
*all communication is down at Abbyromana's top secret facility, if you're trying to reach it, please try again later*
beep... beep... beep... *dial tone*
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lostspook
Auton Daisy
(Icon made by bibliophile1887)
Posts: 503
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Post by lostspook on Sept 30, 2009 17:56:59 GMT
I can't imagine why, but suddenly today I made up my mind to abandon the nice white coat and high heels and join the Resistance.
I am therefore entirely unavailable for poisoning/worrying rendezvous on bridge. In order to secure an auidene with me, capture and torture is necessary.
Unless you wish me to bring a hand grenade and nobly sacrifice myself bringing down the evil dictator, but I have only just this minute joined the Resistance and would rather blow something else up first.
Sorry, JJ, was I casting aspersions on your diabolical ingenuinty? It's only that I can't help feeling that a little less ingenuity might get the job done. When you have to have assistants writing out the plot just to remind you why you had to steal something while chuckling, well, you know...? Of COURSE you can blow up the universe though. *fingers crossed*
I feel that it might be more expedient to deal with Abby first - this Salamander outfit seems capable of bringing about natural disasters. I'll go get my boiler suit and boots and see what I can do.
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Post by jjpor on Sept 30, 2009 22:01:59 GMT
Oh, and tell Clocket the piranhas won't need feeding today after all. Thank you! *gingerly removed hand from tank* *looks at hand* JJ, does your henchman/woman employment insurance plan include bionic limbs? er... Er...let me get back to you on that one... *turns to grandiose wall-mounted world map/StarTrek-style viewing screen in order to deal with more pressing concerns* Oh, goodness me, no! Merely channelling your innate Norse berserker rage into a mutually beneficial direction. Now KILL!!! Not since I found the fobwatch, you're not. Now I now why my hair refuses to straighten. Er, that sounds ominous... *strange groaning noise echoes around her and suddenly a strange blue box appears* Oh, that can't be good. Indeed not! *all communication is down at Abbyromana's top secret facility, if you're trying to reach it, please try again later* beep... beep... beep... *dial tone* Gulp! Clocket, arm yourself! Sorry, poor choice of words... I mean, get some weapons and the rest of the henchfolks and a) take out Maggadin and lostspook wherever they may be now, and b) prepare to lay down your life defending the entrance to the 1km-deep dwarf-star-alloy-lined TARDIS-proof bunker that Drax fellow sold me along with the rocketship. I knew it'd come in handy one day... Sorry, JJ, was I casting aspersions on your diabolical ingenuinty? It's only that I can't help feeling that a little less ingenuity might get the job done. When you have to have assistants writing out the plot just to remind you why you had to steal something while chuckling, well, you know...? Of COURSE you can blow up the universe though. *fingers crossed* Pah! Anybody can take over the world - it takes an evil genius to do it in style, though! Clocket and the henchteam will shortly be attending to that capture/torture thing you mention - I don't think the thing with the hand grenade is necessary just yet... Oh, and it sounds as if somebody has already settled the Salamander organisation's hash good and hard. No doubt you'll end up teaming up with the interloper in question and either sacrificing yourself nobly to help them foil my schemes, or else waving them off as they take off for another jaunt around time and space. Anyway, I've got to flee to my bunker, so, er, later. *hurries off muttering about the Oncoming Storm* Egads, I just hope it isn't Seven!
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Post by jjpor on Sept 30, 2009 22:16:57 GMT
Now this is my kind of RPG. Heheh - don't think I haven't seen your hand behind the demise of all of my schemes, Newton! To think this all started as a discussion about how great Patrick Troughton was and how it was a pity most of his stories had been junked...
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Post by Maggadin on Sept 30, 2009 23:49:28 GMT
Er, that sounds ominous... Indeed. I'm very impressed by my DNA, too. Jelly baby?
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Post by teeceeoh on Oct 1, 2009 16:47:46 GMT
Umbrellas scare me. *shiver* Especially being thwacked by one.
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Post by jjpor on Oct 1, 2009 19:45:14 GMT
Well, the way I look it, if Four shows up to foil your evil plans, you'll probably end up just as defeated/dead, but at least you'll have a bit of a laugh while it's happening. Indeed. I'm very impressed by my DNA, too. Jelly baby? *slams, locks, bars, chains etc. etc. bunker door and cowers gibbering with fear*
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Post by Maggadin on Oct 1, 2009 21:02:28 GMT
Well, the way I look it, if Four shows up to foil your evil plans, you'll probably end up just as defeated/dead, but at least you'll have a bit of a laugh while it's happening. Indeed. I'm very impressed by my DNA, too. Jelly baby? *slams, locks, bars, chains etc. etc. bunker door and cowers gibbering with fear* Yes, they thought they were being really clever, didn't they? Why, with such parents: the combined intelligence and wit. However, they forgot to consider the combined madness, not to mention the dental bills... Keep in mind that my upbringing was totally amoral, so I can be persuaded. TO REVENGE.
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