Improv Adventures

[Captain Spats]

So guys, us three being bored and all... I was thinking, why don't we each claim a doctor and make them do... stuff? I got dibs on seven.

(if this thing survives, and other people are interested, they can join in too I guess.)

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Seven: *stepping out of the TARDIS* Ah! *inhales* What at splendid morning! *looks about* And what a splendid planet... though... I can't say I've been here before. Hrrrm... odd. Oh! Look! A bakery! I wonder what kind of tasty pastries I might find in here? *silly-walks into the bakery*

[Aldebaran]

I'll take four. Obviously... and I'm going to go ahead and assume we can make eachother's doctors speak.
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Seven: Hullo? Anyone here?

Four: *standing behind the counter* Yes?

Seven: Wha... what are YOU doing here?

Four: Well this is a BAKER-Y, is it not? I saw the sign and assumed I was welcome here.

Seven: But you don't work here! Get out from behind the counter before someone sees you.

Four: Ah McCoy... you're so tense. Drop a weasel down your trousers now and then, it'll do wonders for your nerves.

Seven: *indignantly* I shall do no such thing.

Four: Would you like a jellybaby?

Seven: Not from you. *scans the shelves* Hang on... where are all the pastries?

Four: Yes, that's a good inquiry. I was rather curious myself as to the location of the sweet edibles.

Seven: Perhaps Six got to them first. *frowns*

Four: Ah yes... he has a tendency to cheat on his diet, the poor chubby man.

Seven: Blast. Well is there anything else to eat back there?

Four: *is heard clanking about the kitchen* Hmmmm.... only a cup of day-old vegetable soup... and a can of ravioli.

Seven: Is that all?

Four: I'm afraid so, yes.

Seven: Drat it. I think I'll take one of your jellybabies now.

[polarity]

*movement is heard coming from inside the broom closet*

Seven: *dropping his jellybaby* What was that?

Four: Hmmm... in this vast cosmosphere, it could be many things... but then again, there are a nearly infinite sum of thing that it couldn't.

Seven: ...so... in English?

Four I haven't the slightest idea.

Seven: *holds up umbrella* I'm going to investigate. Will you watch my back.

Four: Ah... I don't think I will. I'm going to heat the ravioli and eat what little sustainance there is. Ta!

Seven: *grumbling to self* Bloody anorexic pillock. I pray that later in his life, he gets so fat that he has to roll himself to the loo. Now then... *approaches door with caution, beads of sweat trickle down his brow as he turns the door handle. A low growl is heard from inside.* Oh dear.... *brandishes umbrella*

*when the door is opened, a short dark figure is seen moving. A low growl is heard again.*

Seven: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! *wails on figure with umbrella*

Two: Ah! Ow! OW! OWWWWW! Oh my giddy aunt! Stop! Stop it, will you?! OW!

Seven: *refrains from beating Two with umbrella* ...Two?

Two: *rubs head* Ohhhhh... what did you go and do THAT for? I'm getting much to old for this.

Seven: Oh dear... I'm dreadfully sorry. *a thought hist him* Hang on a minute...? What were you doing in the broom closet?

Two: Sleeping of course. I was having the loveliest dream. I dreamed that I was the star musician in the Gallifreyian Recorder Orchestra... and I was in the middle of my solo when you started bludgeoning me with that blasted umbrella of yours!

Seven: *hides umbrella behind back*

Two: Anyway... it's all done and past now. *picks up fur coat he was sleeping on* Let's forgive and forget, shall we?

[Captain Spats]

hahaha! Good Two-entrance, Polarity! XD
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Seven: Agreed.

Two: *rapidly claps hands together* Ohhh! I love forgiveness!

Seven: So... you wouldn't happen to know what became of the pastries, would you?

Two: What do you mean?

Seven: I mean... this is a bakery... and there's no bakery-goods. No cookies, no rolls, no muffins... nothing. Just some day-old soup and some ravioli.

Two: I see. *rubs chin* Hmmmm... did you think to look in the lavatory?

Seven: WHY ON EARTH WOULD I LOOK THERE?!

Two: I don't know. *eyes Seven* But DID you?

Seven: Certainly not!

Two: Well... always begin in the lavatory, my friend. *smiles, pats Seven on the back* I think you'll find it a very good place to start. *walks away*

Seven: *dumbfounded* WAIT! Where are you going?!

Two: I'm going to get me some of that ravioli! *claps hands*

Seven: Oy... *smacks forehead*

[Aldebaran]

*reluctantly, Seven makes his way to the lavatory in search of the lost pastries*

Seven: This is DAFT! This is so ludicrously DAFT! I cannot believe I'm taking advice from that SPACE LEPRECHAUN! *opens lavatory door* Hmmm... yep. It's a lavatory alright. *opens cabinet door* No. *opens trash can* No. *opens toilet lid* No. Awwww... this is POINTLESS! There's nothing here!

*suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Seven sees a big, medieval-style trapdoor*

Seven: How... did I EVER miss THAT?! *shrugs, opens the door*

*bats fly out, Seven dodges them, bats hit halogen bulb over sink, get electrocuted and die*

Seven: *shakes his head, and begins to descend the stairs under the trapdoor*

[polarity]

*meanwhile, back in the kitchen*

Two: *rubs his hands together* Mmmm! Smells delightful in here.

Four: *turns around, spaghetti sauce is smeared all over his face* Ah! Hello.

Two: Hello... you have... something on your face.

Four: Do I? *hurries over to mirror* Well... I don't know, Two. I say the nose is a definite improvement... but as for the ears... well... I'm not so sure. *spins around* Tell me frankly, what do you think of the ears?

Two: Hmmm... don't like them. *wanders around kitchen* Now where's that ravioli? I'm starving!

Four: *looks dazed* Don't like them?... Don't LIKE them? *scratches head*

Two: *rummaging through cabinets, tossing empty cans out onto the floor*

Four: *Wanders around, still speechless*

Two: *giving up* NO NO NO NO NO! *stomps, frustrated* Seven told me there was ravioli in here, and by Rassilon, I'm going to have some!

Four: Ah yes... I can see you are in a great deal of frustration, little man.

Two: Well... yes. I am.

Four: *grins* Try dropping a weasel down your trousers. It does wonders for the nerves.

[Captain Spats]

Seven: Good lord, it's dark down here... I can hardly see what's in front of me. *feels around in pockets* Hmmm.. no. Nothing.

*looking up, Seven spots a light up ahead*

Seven: Hm. Wonder what that could be?

*as he gets nearer, he sees that the light is coming from a door that is hanging open a crack. She sneaks up to the door and peers in. To his alarm, he spots the Master, The Kandyman and Sergeant Benton standing in the next room. Without being noticed, Seven crouches by the door and listens*

The Master: Has the doctor found the ravioli yet, Benton?

Benton: Confirmed. He has just finished it. The effects should take a little while to kick in, but he'll be unconscious in no less than 15 minutes.

The Master: And the muffins?

Benton: Secured. They are at the loading dock ready to be transported back to headquarters.

The Master: Ah. Well done, Benton. *pats Benton on back* Isn't it much better when you're evil?

Benton: *smiles* I should have done this years ago. For years, I've been nothing but the Brig's gofer. For years, I've endured nothing but "Benton! Go for ammunition!" "Benton! Go for radio-transmitters." Benton! Go for sandwiches!" Being a Sargent at UNIT is a thankless job, and I have no desire to be a part of it any longer!

The Master: Good lad. Soon, the bakery will re-open, and the Kandyman will have new test-subjects to perfect his muffin recipe! And we shall RULE THE WORLD! *maniacal laughter*

The Kandyman: I am not called that anymore.

The Master: ...come again?

The Kandyman: I am not called that anymore.

The Master: Oh? Well... what are called then?

The Kandyman: I am... THE MUFFINMAN!

All: *maniacal laughter*

Seven: Oh dear... I must warn the others!

[Aldebaran]

*Seven spins around, but does so too late, for a cybermat creeps up behind him and bites him on the neck*

Seven: OUCH! *rips cybermat off neck* Ohhhhhhhh... this isn't good. *dizzily stumbles down corridor for a bit, passes out*

meanwhile

Four: It has been a while since we last heard from Seven, hasn't it? Remind me... exactly, what was it that he was searching for again?

Two: *looks up from cupboard* Huh? Oh... something about pastries. I'll admit that the absence of pastries in a bakery is a bit odd... but its not something I'd go searching after.

Four: Because you are sincerely not interested... or because you are lazy?

Two: *shoots Four a glare* Because it's a waste of time... besides... there's perfectly good food in here.... or at least there WAS before you decided to stuff your face.

Four: Ha! It's all on the principle of "first come first serve", my friend.

Two: *mutters* Arrogant scarf-munzer.

*Four smiles, and begins to walk towards a cupboard opposite to Two, but begins to feel dizzy*

Four: Oh dear... *clutched head*

Two: Four...? Goodness me, are you alright?

Four: ...yes, I'm.. oh... *falls over*

Two: Oh no no no no no! *hurries over to Fours nearly motionless body* Four! Oh dear oh dear oh dear! Can you speak? What's the matter?

Four: *weakly* ...I... the ravioli... oh... I think.... someone... tried to... *eyes slowly start to close*

Two: Oh dear, hold on! Hold on! *looks around franticly* Help! Help! Seven, where are you?! Oh dear...

[clocketpatch]

diving in, though I'm not nearly so good at the funny stuff as the rest of you...
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Three enters the Bakery, his eyes fixed on a bleeping tracker device he hold in his right hand.

Three Hmmm...

The device blinks twice quickly. Three goes into the Bakery's backroom, where he is confronted by...

Three Oh NO! It's YOU! I should have known.

Two Oh no you don't -- don't go shifty the blame for this Mr. high and mighty Dandy.

Three Clown

Two Fop

Three Stop being childish

Two Oh, stop being childish he says. *wrings hands* Well, in case you haven't noticed we're in a very dicey situation here

Three *kneels to examine Four* Yes it's as I feared. Poison.

Four *groaning* Oh don't be so meledramatic, you were always meledramatic what with the cape and the car and the --

Three Charm, I know. *affronted* It's good to see you too.

Two But I thought you said he'd been...

Three Yes, well, some of us know that there are different levels of toxicity, and, given time to metabolitise the compounds... *rubs chin* they mustn't have perfected it yet. That will throw a wrench in their plans. Most probably it was a fluke of ingrediants, the raviolia particles reacting with the chemical make-up of the...

Two *makes angry face* yes, yes, enough with the technobabble. Why are you here? Do you have any information about my missing pasteries... or, perhaps you HAVE any pasteries, I would so like...

Three This is about food you fool! I've been tracing a signal here all the way from UNIT! Benton's been kidnapped!

Four Benton you say? Now that was an admirable chap. Always thought he might have been more suited to the TARDIS life than dear Harry, but the Brig would never release his hold on him.

Three Yes, quite. Now, shall we get to work?

Two *grumbles darkly*

Four I believe that was a yes and a pleasant greetings

Three Quite.

[Aldebaran]

Welcome Clocket! Glad you could drop in! Haha! Spats will have to change the banner now, it looks like. XD
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*Meanwhile, Seven regains conciousness. He opens his eyes to find that he is tied up in a strange room with the Kandyman and Benon looking down on him.*

Seven: B... Benton? what are you doing here?!

Benton: Aha! He's awake. *sneers* Just in time too.

Seven: What's going on?

Benton: Well you're our prisoner, of course! Congratulations are in order, Doctor. You're to be the first experiment!

Seven: Experiment? What do you mean?

Benton: *shakes head* So many blasted questions! Silence!

Seven: Benton... you're making the same mistake Adric almost did. It NEVER pays to side with evil!

Benton: What did I say? Be quiet!

Seven: But this is horribly WRONG!

Benton: *to Kandyman* He really can't shut his mouth, can he?

The Master: *entering suddenly* Nor can you.

Benton: Master! *bows* Have the other doctors slipped under the poison yet?

The Master: *frowns* No. It would seem that the poison's potency wasn't dense enough to bring him into a coma. At worst, all it'll do to him is give him a slight case of indigestion.

Benton: Blast!

The Master: And worse yet, there is yet a THIRD doctor that has joined the two upstairs.

Benton: No! Which one?

The Master: The third doctor.

Benton: Yeah, I know but which one?

The Mater: The THIRD doctor.

Benton: Yes, but what incarnation?

The Master: *head!desk* Nevermind. Mevermind. But what we need to do now is to find a way to get those three sedated and downstairs so we can begin the experiments.

Seven: What experiments?!

The Master: Why should we tell you? You'll find out soon enough.

Seven: Well yes, but seeing as how I'M the one that's to be experimented on, I still have a right to my own body. Now what is it that you intend to do with me?

The Master: *glares at Seven*

Seven: Oh what? It's not as if I'm going anywhere.

The Kandyman: Master, the vaccines are prepared. I'm ready to begin.

The Master: *sneers* Excellent. *Turns to Seven* Like I said, Doctor... you'll find out soon enough.

[Captain Spats]

Woo! More people! Good show, Clocket! (I fixed the banner. I'll just add a new name every time someone joins. It's not that hard.)
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Two: Well, as reluctantly pleasant as it is to see you both, we're still in somewhat of a pickle.

Four: Ah yes... Seven. We must find out what has become of him, mustn't we?

Three: Indeed. And it's imperative that we find him as soon as possible. *looks over shoulder* My TARDIS did not spit me out here for nothing. I suspect that if we do not locate both him and whatever the trouble is... we could find ourselves in a world of hurt.

Two: Agreed. What now, then?

Four: *grins* Well, first things first... and-

Three: Oh don't start that illogically logical logic claptrap with me, Four. We have a job to do. *marches ahead*

Four: *looks hurt, plods after him*

Two: *shakes his head, mutters to himself* Fancypants...

Three: *yelling back* Scarecrow!

Two: *Frustratingly stomps his feet, runs after them.*

[polarity]

*Meanwhile, in the basement, the Kandyman, the Master, and Benton have Seven tied up. The Kandyman is approaching with s frighting-looking syringe, and Benton and the Master are looking on laughing evilly.*

The Kandyman: This won't hurt a bit, Doctor.

Seven: *Winces* Oh dear... this could very well be the end of me... I just wish I had time to tell Ace that-

The Kandyman: Yes?

Seven: ...that.... her shoes do not at ALL compliment her eyes.

The Kandyman: Ha! Listen to yourself, Doctor. As if YOU would know anything about style, you pathetic little-

*suddenly, the lights go out.*

The Master: Wah! What is this?

Benton: Hey! Who turned out the lights?

The Master: *kicks Benton* That episode gave me nightmares. Don't bring it up here!

Benton: Sorry.

Seven takes this oppertunity to pull a nail-clipper from his pocket and cut the ropes that bind him. He slips out the door unharmed.*

Seven: *making his way up the staircase* That's two for style... *as he arrives up in the lavatory, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He takes a minute to look himself over self-concisely* Hmmmm... at least... I think so. Ah, blast it all. *runs out of lavatory*

[Aldebaran]

Two: *flat on face on the ground* OW!

Three: *Stooping over to help him* Aw! Now look what you've done, you klutzy hoboclown! You've gone and unplugged the power grid! *plugs cord back in*

*lights turn back on*

Two: Well it''s hardly my fault! It was lying there right in the way! ANYONE could have tripped over it. *brushes himself off* ..dandy.

Three: Scarecrow.

Four: *ear pressed against a wall of the tunnel, he motions toward them* Quickly! I think I hear someone or something moving behind this wall.

*Two and Three scurry over and begin listening as well*

Two: Hmm... a biped, no doubt. From the footstep patterns...

Three: Definitely a larger organism. I'd wager between five and six feet tall...

Four: *sniffs* Hmmm... aroma constancy being made up of peat-moss and bad cologne.

All: *looking at each other* It's Seven.

*Four knocks on the wall. Seven hears it and presses his face against it.*

Four: Seven? That IS you, is it not?

Seven: Yes! Yes, it's me!

Four: Back away and hold still. We're going to try and knock down the wall.

Seven: WHAT? How are going to do THAT?!

Four: The BBC's budget doesn't allow for sturdy set materials. *knocks again* This is just a piece of plywood.

Seven: Ah. I see. *backs away*

Four: *turning* Now... listen. Two... I need you.

Two: *flattered* Oh! Why Four... this is so sudden.

Four: *slaps forehead* No... just listen to me.

*a few minutes later*

*Three and Four are holding Two in a battering ram position*

Three: Ready?

Two: Oh dear...

Four: One... Two...

Two: *shuts eyes tightly*

Three: THREE!

*Four and Three charge Two into the wall, breaking through the plywood.*

Seven: Oh! I've never been happier to see you all!

Two: Oh, my giddy aunt... *rubs head*

Three: Likewise, old chap. We could recognize that essence of your a mile away.

Seven: *not sure how to reply* Alright... *deciding to ignore it* But that aside, I've seen some very interestingly horrific things... and I think you ought to know about them.

[clocketpatch]

Seven: Right then, Benton has gone to the dark side

Four: You mean he’s watching Star Trek? Oh dear!

Two: *wrings hands* Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear!

Seven: NO! I mean, he’s joined forces with a most nefarious Nevil…

Three: You aren’t going to go on that “Nevil! NEvil from the Dawn of Time!!” rant again are you? Please spare us the theatrics.

Four: *mumbling* says the man in a cape

Three: *glaring at scarf* *glaring at Two’s rumpled suit* yes, well SOME of us have SOME sense of decorum

Seven: LISTEN TO ME!!!

Two: *wrings hands* Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear!

Four: I am listening to me, I'm always listening to me. I love the sound of my own...

Seven: *glare* Benton has joined forces with the Master and the Kandyman to perpetrate some terrible plot upon the universe. We must stop them at all costs! Or else…

Three: Coddleswab, Benton is a nice, amiable chap. He likes tea and biscuits and…

Two: Yetis

Four: WHAT???

Two: He told me once that he has rather an affinity for the beasts, as if he were one in a past life… he once told me… well, I shan’t mention that in good company *wrinkles nose at Three* present company excluded

Four: I SO did not want to know that. The logistics of it... *shudders* Wait, aren’t Yetis robotic? How could he have been one in a past life if… whatever, logic is for chumps. Kandyman you said Seven. Hmmm, I always knew you couldn’t ever trust gumdrops. Candy in general really, they put on sweet appearances and all but… Jelly Baby?

He is ignored by Three and Two who have degenerated into another arguing match:

Three: Spacetramp

Two: Popinjay!

Three: Vagabond Beetles wana-be!

Two: James Bond copy-cat

Three: And what’s wrong with that? I'm slick and debonaire and occasionally get the girl... or at the least I get the Brigadier. At least I don’t play the sound of a toad being squashed in a rusty gate on a two pence flute and call it music.

Two: *bashes Three over the head with the instrument* RECORDER!

Four: *blinks* given the height difference Two, how’d you even do that???

Two: Oh dear, I appear to be levitating

Three: Oh great. Now I’m a flying rubbish tip

Seven: *nods sagely* it has started…

SUDDENLY, all interactions are stopped by a BOOMING LAUGH! Which, if transcribed, would be something like this:

MwahahahAHHAHAhahahahaaaaa hahahahaaa!!! *CACKLE* HA HA ha!

[merrythemad]

me too me too pick me!!!

[Captain Spats]

Merry.

[clocketpatch]

lol, you can jump in at any time Merry (or anyone) I think that's how this works

[merrythemad]

((i hope this is done right, if not feel free to holler at me, I'm not used to conversation-based rping, even if it is just for fun,lol))


ten: *happens across bakery* Well, my timey-wimey detector insists this is the place. A bakery, with...eggs. *shudders and shuts off timey-wimey dectector hastily* Right then, off we go. *enters bakery sees other docs arguing* What, no five? Isn't that just the way it is with time? Feeling a bit low, wandering about alone and voila! You stumble across yourselves, mind you, not the ones your always going on about, no crickety-cricket, no dashing Byronesque charm, no vibrant, good-for-a-laugh jacket. Just a leprechaun, a dandy and a mad-man. We-el-ll, at least my luck is holding. So then, we're the Doctor, clearly, the only question is why we are all here, this many of us in one place usually doesn't mean a tea-party, blimey! An impromptu party with myselves and I've not a single banana.

[Anastasia]

Six: *TARDIS materializes in the middle of the bakery* Ah! At last! The eye of Orion! The most peaceful place in the entire... *looks around* ...what? This isn't the eye of Orion! *frowns, hurries back to console* I can't believe it! I know I typed in those coordinates correctly! Blast! *ruffles hair* My midlife-crisis Senile Spasms must be getting to me... again! I know I took my pills... I think... *pulls medicine bottle out of coat pocket* The sicker you get, the hardier it is to remember weather or not you took your medicine. Peri always used to take care of that FOR me.

*Six frustratingly crumples up map and tosses it on the ground*

Rubbish! It's rubbish! All of it. *Walks out of the TARDIS and through the door* A bakery? Hmm... whenever I'm stressed, I eat. Peri used to always give me grief about it. "Cheating on my diet", she used to say... *sneers* well she's not here now, and a little doughnut won't hurt. *walks up to counter* Hello? Hello? *rings bell* Service! service, please? Hello?

[Captain Spats]

Seven: Ten? You too? *scratches head* But how...?

Ten: Wibbly wobbly-

All: -timey wimey.

Two: Well, I must say, this is quite an exiting peril that we've all fallen into! *claps hands* It's so good to see me again.

Three: *looks down at Two* Most of me, anyway...

Two: *frowns* Watch it, Frills.

Three: *rolls eyes*

Two: *sticks out tongue*

Four: How many more selves do you suppose are yet to come?

*The words bearly come out of his mouth when a sharp dinging is heard up the stairs along with the voice of a man shouting*

Ten: Sorry... is it just me or does everyone hear that?

Seven: Why... that sounds like...

All: Six! *they all hurry up the stairs*

Two: What's Doctor Porkenstien doing here?

Three: Hold your tongue. You know he's sensitive about his weight.

Four: *Whispers in Two's ear* He's probably buying donuts.

Two and Four: *Chuckle*